Published July 31, 2016 by

 

“I’m sorry! We don’t have your spot tonight.”

 

I greeted the pretty young hostess with a puzzled look. “You remember me?”
“Of course! You come in alone…very soft spoken..you always ask to sit by the fireplace.”
A half smile graced my face for a moment. I had felt so anonymous in this dimly lit place with the good, life affirming food, minutes from the hospital here in town.

 

But someone had been noticing me. Like the nurse who asked why I never turn the tv on. And why I spend hours gazing out the window.

 

Aren’t you bored?

 

I find it interesting the things we notice about other people.
She showed me to a table as close to the fire as was available and I sat down, ordered the usual, and wrapped my hands around a cup of peppermint tea to wait.
I like to sit facing everyone else. The tables near the fireplace are elevated and I can sort of see their faces in the dark and catch bits of their conversations.
I close my eyes for a moment. I grin. I bite my lip to contain my excitement.
Haha! Again. I’ve done it again. Danced out of the grip of death. It’s almost funny to me at this point.
When will you get the hint? You can’t have me yet! Our time will come, but please, I ask, be patient.

 

Every connection you make while wearing a hospital gown is ripe with meaning.
The elderly vietnamese nurse who asked “Only broth and juice?”. I smiled.
“Don’t want to get too…” I patted my tummy. We laughed and she did a little jig.
The custodial woman from Fiji who always greeted me shyly. I could tell she wanted to talk to me about something.
When I ditched the hospital gown, gently made up my face and walked confidently, slowly down the hall, that same hall, yet again, her eyes widened and her jaw dropped.
“You don’t look sick!”
Yes. I am good at that.
“Ah, they got tired of me. Said I could go home.”
I smiled. She grabbed my hand and held it for a moment.
“You remind me of my daughter back home”.
I am no one’s daughter, I think.
We smile at each other for a few more moments and then I step into the elevator.
It is raining outside. This excites me. Any intrusion of inescapable nature in the city excites me.
I turn my face to the sky. And think about how awesome that fireplace will feel.

 

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Published July 4, 2016 by

The sliver of a perfect rainbow slides into view under my bedroom door for just a moment and then retreats. An invitation. Hey you, it’s sunny outside.

There are no windows or mirrors in the room I have chosen for a bedroom in my house. At night, it is like a sleep chamber and once the small reading lamp is out, I am gone til morning where I then watch sleepily from the bed to see sunlight and the reflection from the spinning crystals in the window sill try to creep in under the door.

I got out my journal this morning. Wow. This past year will definitely have been the best and craziest chapter of my life. So far, anyway.

There is a new beginning in the air.

Last week I was in Calgary wrapping up my 9 month participation in the Calgary Association of Professional Speakers fast track program. I also had a dental appointment so I decided to stay a few days and treat myself, staying at my favorite new hotel.

That night I was getting ready to go out and when I went to put my tray outside my hotel room, I had two thoughts:

  • why do they make these doors and trays so heavy?
  • maybe I should be wearing a shirt when I do this?

Of course, after I struggled the door open with my elbows, I dropped the tray, tried to not drop it and subsequently locked myself out of the room wearing just a bra and some yoga pants. The door across the way opened at that moment and an older, distinguished looking woman stopped midsentence and dead in her tracks, eyes widening.

“Oh, hi! I’m sorry, I got locked out. Can I use your phone to …hello?”

She slowly stepped out of the doorway and back into the room. Click.

Great.

A few doors down, I could hear some voices and two women were coming out of their room.  They were a godsend of course. I perched on their desk while they sat on the 2 queen beds in the room. We chatted casually, laughing. There is something about me that makes strangers think I have answers about things, apparently even when I’m in my underwear in public. They ask me for advice. Most of the time, I like it.

We had a micro relationship, those women and I, in my almost naked vulnerability, waiting for the concierge in his top hat to let my half almost naked self back inside my room.

But that interaction with those ladies in the face of an awkward and potentially unpleasant situation has pretty much been the norm for me this year.

The things I have been through have been extremely crazy. But to me, they were actually pretty great because I got to meet and be supported by truly amazing people.

There is not one single thing I would have changed.

I heeded a call to head out here this year and it was the catalyst for a domino effect of strange occurrences, serendipitous opportunities and amazing connections.

Change is in the air and I have no idea what to expect next but I am excited.

 

 

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Published June 29, 2016 by

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Published June 15, 2016 by

wraith

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Published June 12, 2016 by

Wow.. recently realized how much I miss writing here.

So much has changed.

Everything has changed.

I suppose that is what happens when you move to one of the most windy, wild and magical places in the Rocky mountains, dig your nails into the soil, have the sun warm your eyelids and let the wind tousle your hair and flirt with the hem of your dress.

Change happens when you face death with quiet acceptance, curiosity and gentleness knowing that if you are meant to live then nothing can take you.

I said OK LIFE, GOD,  IF YOU WANT ME HERE, SHOW ME.

That was when everything lined up for me. Everyone showed up for me.

My life was the best it had ever been even though I was in hospital surrounded by frantic doctors and nurses, writing wills and reviewing my life a lot over the past year.

How are you so calm? I’d just smile.

Do you have any family to notify? No.

I am in the second phase of the upgrade I took on about 7 months ago.

My body has been upgraded emotionally and spiritually, now is the time to strengthen it physically. And all manners of the perfect teachers and inspirations in this regard keep finding their way into my life.

That is the final frontier for me, the one challenge that I have wrestled with since childhood. The health and strength of my body.

I abandoned it, unable to face the pain alone. I retreated into books and creating, which in it’s own way served me greatly. Now, I am accepting support and inspiration for me to get back into my body. To be strong in my creaturehood as a mammal on this earth in the prime of her life.

I watch the deer and the elk out here almost daily and their easy beauty and grace is something I never tire of. They just eat grass! And drink rainwater. They stick together, always eyeing me suspiciously.

I seek to touch that level of purity in just being a beast and a creature as far as my physicality is concerned. My prefrontal cortex can just take a back seat now.

I have so much to do.

 

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Published May 18, 2015 by

I often get asked about the song that is sampled at the end of my videos. That song was remixed by my buddy DJ Simba, but this is the orignal.

It is basically the theme song for everything I am doing and sharing online.

Enjoy ♥

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