“Children with a depressed parent are, on average, less socially competent, have lower self-esteem, are more likely to have behavioral and academic problems (even lower IQs!), and they are two to five times more likely to develop a psychological disorder.”
“How did you get contact and attunement as a kid? What tactic did you use?”
I had just finished roasting a popular YouTuber, in her 30s, who makes baby faces and noises at the camera in a childlike attempt at attention. It triggered me big time.
“I didn’t. I didn’t do anything. I didn’t get connection…….oh wait, I got sick. That was how I got attention. Oh wait, no. That just made my mom hate me even more, so that can’t be it.”
“Hate. That’s connection and attention. To a child, it’s better than being ignored or neglected.”
We create patterns of pain in our lives for very specific reasons! Here is what I have struggled with in the past and how I have moved past it.
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There is a spider living on the outside high window sill in my writing nook. I felt so much love for it today.
He comes out at dusk every evening, putters around making repairs and then hangs in wait. He looks well fed. I hope it’s a successful night for him. I feel like he’s protecting me and the house from bugs. I greatly enjoy that feeling of protection from the animal kingdom.
I once lived in a shed sized cabin in the woods for 8 weeks.
I had a bunk bed and a wood stove- it was incredibly romantic for me, doing forestry homework by lantern light, my fingers tracing trails on dusty maps. In that cabin, I had a spider companion as well. He looked like a mini, gray tarantula. I called him Wolfgang. He had a little hidey hole well away from me. I would watch him stalk and pounce on resting flies. Sometimes, I’d scream, startled. He was just so damn quick!
The sparrows playing in the backyard. Last night’s midnight run with our friends’ papillon chihuaha cross.
Animals are so connected to the living ecstasy of the universe.
Their sense of enjoyment in their creaturehood and zeal for life is a great template.
Today was a good one.
I told my therapist about my tiger mom.